It's the first Monday of the month, which means it's time for a new challenge over at
Scrapping Everyday Miracles. With this being the month we celebrate Mother's Day in North America, the challenge is focused around mothers.
Some of you may know that growing up, I was not particularly close with my mother. All that hurt was re-ignited when I saw what the theme of the challenge was going to be this month. I put off creating the layout for several weeks, in fact, not sure where I would begin. When I finally sat down to create something this is what I came up with. This photo of my 1st birthday is one of the very few I have of myself and my mother together, I chose it because it's one where she looks happiest.
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| Using the new Fancy Pants Be You collection |
I wasn't really thrilled with how the layout turned out. I like the papers, and the design is fine, but somehow it just felt 'not me', sterile. I had to really think and pray about what was not sitting well with me over this layout. What I came to realize, is that my childhood is not something I speak of often. It's almost as though it's a untouchable part of my history. I really felt the Lord saying to me that I had some healing to do, and that He wanted me to press into my feelings, so that He could bring about restoration. As I allowed Him to move me, and speak to my heart I realized that denying the 'good' of my upbringing, and not acknowledging the many ways my mother did show her love for me was wrong, it was denying all the ways God had shown His love to me. A friend recently reminded me of Romans 8:28 "and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
That is the truth of my childhood, and I need to give Him the glory, and give my mother praise for her part in it. She tried her best to be a good mom to us, I have no doubt, but I didn't really see that until my firstborn came into the world. Seeing her as a grandmother, expanded my view of her. The way she loved my daughter, and gently held her, they way she was so supportive of me, and my parenting. I began to see that she likely had the same amount of love and compassion for me and my brother when we were growing up. I think that perhaps being married to my father forced her to, unknowingly keep part of herself hidden. Living under a controlling, selfish, and irritable man changed a bit of who she really was. Going through this process of scrapping about my mother has helped me to see, and believe that she did the best she knew how to love us, and protect us from the same upbringing she endured (broken home, infidelity, and a home where love and respect was always
conditional) I don't think she realized that the pattern was never really broken, but I believe now, that she tried her best.
Here is the same photo redone on a new, more meaningful, more 'me' layout.
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| Sorry that the quality looks poor, but the colours really are that muted and soft (Crate Paper) |
This layout was created after processing everything. I really sensed the Lord working through me on this one, allowing me to see my mother in a new light, His light.
I've written out the feelings I was able to articulate through this healing process on a couple of tags hidden behind the photo.
I hope that if you have a similar story of hurt and disappointment regarding your childhood and/or relationship with your mother that you have found some solace here today. I pray that you may know the love of your Father, and hear the calling He has on you to come to Him, allowing Him into the dark places to bring healing and restoration. You just never know the depth of peace that awaits you on the other side.
You can see what the rest of the design team did with this challenge, and get all the details on this month's gracious sponsor over
here.
As schedules would have it, I am also up over at
Let's Capture Our Memories today.
I have a fun Pink Paislee layout to share with you. Tomorrow I'll teach you how to re-create it.
Have a blessed day friends.
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